i'm no braveheart

I've been told that I have a good heart. I've been told that my heart is pure and true. I know that I do not have a heart like my brothers, Braveheart he is called. He is strong and compassionate, tender and just. I look up to him and his ideology. I know that I do not have a heart like my ancestors, king Richard lionheart. He was bold, He cared about his people and was a renowned military leader and strategist. I am not a great leader or a man known for kindness and compassion. I don't know how anyone can see my heart when I hide it and bury it inside so no one can judge the scars and the tears and imperfections that plague it. 

heart breeding switch

My words, random and unintentional.
 My heart is my greatest treasure and my most personal belonging. It is mine and only mine, who i share it with means a great lot to me, and I expect to guard it.
Breeding is what scientist do to rats and poor animals to create the "perfect" whatever Frankenstein they are trying to engineer.
Switch, that is a light switch or a keyboard piece or circuit piece.

How to cry

Cry, by definition is to, shed tears, especially as an expression of distress or pain. Meaning that, something emotionally distressful or overwhelming has taken place to cause a reaction in our bodies to produce tears and expose us to, dangers, open arms, and embarrassment.

How to is a little bit different too explain. 

FIRST: breakdown

SECOND: get mad or deny what is happening, hold it in because it will make you seem weak to cry in front of people or weak because you don't cry over stupid things

THIRD: let it out, ALL of it. Let it all out the tears the screams the pain the joy whatever it is that is burdening your heart let it all out.

 people can cry for all sorts of reasons, stress, pain, joy. But why we cry doesn't matter as much as the fact that we do, we must in order to stay sane and work through times. Crying is NOT weak it is not embarrassing or stupid. I cherish the moments when people cry with me or in front of me because that means in that moment, they needed to cry and they trusted me enough to open up and express themselves. 

Fear

creepy pasta

aware

Being alive and being aware are similar but completely different. imagine being, by definition, alive but not aware of your surroundings. A comatose mind state, Hell in my mind. Being aware changes everything. 

You could see the beautiful pallet of natures colours and the evening sunset, or a full moon on a dark night. Feeling the warm touch of a close loved one. 

Tasting the rich juicy ripeness of a grape.

hearing the birds chirp, the wind rustling through the branches on a crisp autumn day.

smelling the fresh baked bread or the smell of rain.

Feeling the astounding enlightenment of understanding.

...

WAKE UP 

OPEN YOUR EYES

Become aware and think for yourself.
listen with intent

clay soil and sand

Bricks

when I was a kid I dropped a brick on my foot. that was the only time I've encountered a  physical brick. But I carry burdens as heavy as bricks, sin as solid and dense as stone, regrets as black as granite and memories as clear and perfect as diamond. But my bricks are special. Because no one wants them but me, and I'm ok with that.

Love

Im going to be consistently and constantly changing this post. Because I'm still learning about love and healing from its destructive beauty

Love is blind, it cannot see nor understand the things of physical matter. When you're in love, your lover will appear beautiful or handsome, almost glowing no matter what they're doing. There's Just something about then that is unique compared to others. And others cannot see it unless they've Experienced such a beautiful bond.

Love is the most destructive because it has no boundaries or morals. Love will rot your core beliefs and poison you're reality. It will leave you with a hole and a scar that is unbearable, undesired, and deep. Yet we are socialized to run blindly into it. To jump into the arms of anyone who can so much as mouth the words "I love you". love is a monster disguised in flowers and letters and little red hearts. But it will tear you apart and leave a wake of unimaginable pain. Death is a rational associate after love has left its withered mark.